In Progress

Taken last year... I can't remember why I didn't post it earlier. Anyway, I was procrastinating from studying for my Genetics exam and flipping through my self portraits. Needless to say I don't post a fair number of the photos I take. A girl's got to keep something for herself.

I definitely feel like a work in progress. It seems to have struck me particularly hard these past few weeks, but I don't think I've ever felt "finished" or "complete" in any general sense. I don't think anyone really does, at least not at my age. Anyway, it is time to start growing up. I need to get to know myself better. I need to be braver, and to stop being so scared of small things (insects not included). I definitely need to get over my fear or other people, especially those other pre-meds.

I've been watching this Taiwanese Drama called "Mars." It's pretty screwed up in the sense that the main two characters are so screwed up that the only thing keeping them apart is their own tragic pasts and insecurities. They're starting to get over it, but there of course is this character who's really going to test how strong they've become. Anyway, point is, one of the traits that makes them so compatible beside their other shit is that one of them always puts on this pretense (ie he says and does things that make him appear shallow and flippant), while the other has learned the hard way that people are not all that they seem. In other words, she quickly saw through him and loves him for the parts that he deserves to be loved for.

Back to the point: there's an episode that dealt specifically with the word "appearance," which has been something I've been thinking about lately. Obviously, people aren't always what they seem, and I think that's what scares me the most about people I don't know. They can come off as so put together when in fact they're just as not together as I am. It's intimidating during a competition, and it's near impossible to see through their guise without having one myself. Unfortunately, I've always been bad at lying. Also, more than almost anything in the world, the thing that disgusts me most is boasting, and making yourself appear more than you are is the worst kind there is. Ugh.

Trying to get into medical school is making me a terrible person. How ironic. I clearly have issues I need to resolve.